that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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