I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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