I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
