idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
