thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
