First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
