You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
