Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
