Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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