She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
