True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
