I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize