just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
