sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
