just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
