He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
