escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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