either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
