wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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