You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
