Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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