I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That accounts for only three of the penises
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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