in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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