Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
