okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
