and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
