maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
