mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
