Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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