Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
