I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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