It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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