Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she pinky promised me she was 18
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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