Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
