Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
