I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
