oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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