I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
