I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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