Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize