why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My penis needs a shock collar
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
