I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize