Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize