nut hugger
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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