I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
