ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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