if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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