ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
