Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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