I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
