i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
