I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
