my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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