"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I want is dick and wine.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
