It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
