My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
