It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
