jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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