just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
