Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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