Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
