At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
