We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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