I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
