omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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