I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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