fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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